The Original i30 Owners Club

GENERAL STUFF => GENERAL DISCUSSIONS => Random Chit Chat => Topic started by: eye30 on March 22, 2009, 18:42:03

Title: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: eye30 on March 22, 2009, 18:42:03

WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.


I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.


FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.


Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.


Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
    and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
    and
It's all organized by the Italians.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.


A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory


The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.


I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.


I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.


I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


Dyslexics Have More Nuf.


In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.   Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "TheHokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.   The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.  They put his left leg in.  And then the trouble started.



I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.


Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?


When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".


Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.


Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.


I am having an out-of-money experience.


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

 
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Title: Re: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: Dazzler on March 23, 2009, 10:10:50

Another brilliant list... now i'm confused (I want to use some of them as well)  :wink: :D

Title: Re: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: eye30 on March 23, 2009, 11:44:20

Quote from: dazzling_darryl on March 23, 2009, 10:10:50

Another brilliant list... now i'm confused (I want to use some of them as well)  :wink: :D

Ok but remember the royalities

Title: Re: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: Hemmi on March 23, 2009, 12:04:43

Quote from: eye30 on March 22, 2009, 18:42:03

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

 :lol: :razz:

Title: Re: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: Dazzler on March 23, 2009, 12:33:46

Funny joke but who'd have a name like Herman  :eek:  :lol:

Title: Re: Who thinks this stuff up???
Post by: Hemmi on March 23, 2009, 12:40:57

Quote from: dazzling_darryl on March 23, 2009, 12:33:46

Funny joke but who'd have a name like Herman  :eek:  :lol:

(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b162/pipe79/herman-monster.jpg)

 :lol: