[Doggie 1]

I'd order two beers from her, and make her carry one in each hand. She'd get a tip!! (And maybe a pointer as well)

If she could keep abreast of that little challenge I reckon she'd be worth keeping.

[Ugly Mongrel]

Paddy is walking home from the High & Dry on Friday night, drunk as usual and smacks into a tree.

 Paddy backs up a few paces, and walks into the tree again. He does it again and again.

Finally, Paddy mumbles, "Tis just fooking great dis is. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and now here I am, lost in a fooking forest!"

[Shambles]

After a few pints down at the High & Dry, talk got round to who had the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.

"That's a Rolex Oyster, worth two and a half grand," I grinned.

My mate Bazz smiled and proudly pointed to his wrist.

"This is a white gold Patek Phillipe. I paid the best part of twenty grand for it."

Rick rolled up his sleeve to show his watch.

"What do you think of that then? It cost me £200,000."

Me and Bazz stared a while then I said, "Rick, Thats a Casio."

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[Ugly Mongrel]

You can always count on the High & Dry for a good laugh.


BTW, who's running the joint while Alan's in the HOS?

[Dazzler]

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I saw it coming, but   

[Phil №❶]

 

[Aussie Keith]

After a few pints down at the High & Dry, talk got round to who had the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.

"That's a Rolex Oyster, worth two and a half grand," I grinned.

My mate Bazz smiled and proudly pointed to his wrist.

"This is a white gold Patek Phillipe. I paid the best part of twenty grand for it."

Rick rolled up his sleeve to show his watch.

"What do you think of that then? It cost me £200,000."

Me and Bazz stared a while then I said, "Rick, Thats a Casio."

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So what was his ex wife doing in her sister's bed... 

[rustynutz]

Obviously Tasmanian...

[Dazzler]

Obviously Tasmanian...

I thought the same thing! 

[Aussie Keith]

I'd heard the H&D had free wifi. So I was sitting quietly in a corner checking out this forum when a guy walks in with a frog on his head. The bartender asks him "Where did you get that ugly thing"? and the frog says "Would you believe it started as a wart on my a$$"

[Dazzler]

I'd heard the H&D had free wifi. So I was sitting quietly in a corner checking out this forum when a guy walks in with a frog on his head. The bartender asks him "Where did you get that ugly thing"? and the frog says "Would you believe it started as a wart on my a$$"

 

[Doggie 1]

I saw it coming, but   

That's exactly what Monica said. 

[Aussie Keith]

I'm still there surfing like mad, checking out the talent shows thread.  Then a woman and a duck walk into the bar. The bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig." The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck." He says, "I was talking to the duck."

Someone should talk to that guy about his approach with the customers.

[Aussie Keith]

Its getting close to time to head home and would you believe it a pirate walks in with a ship's steering-wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender says, "You know you got a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants?" The pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts.

[Phil №❶]

 

[Dazzler]

 

[Aussie Keith]

I've been watching two guys drinking at the bar with a Giraffe until the giraffe finally passes out on the floor. The two guys never even notice as they finish their drinks and head out the door.

Then, the bartender yells,"You're not gonna leave that lyin' on the floor, are ya..?"

Hearing that, one spins around and says,"THAT AIN'T A 'LION', IT'S A GIRAFFE..!"

http://www.youtube.com/v/bcYppAs6ZdI

[Phil №❶]

 

[Dazzler]

What have you had today Keith? Can you send me some 

[AlanHo]

An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walked into the pub.

I advised the bartender to tell them that we don't serve minors.

[The Gonz]

And did he a-chord with that?

[AlanHo]

One of our part time evening barmen called Paddy is continually the butt of the staff’s cruel humour. They tease him awfully about all sorts of things – I am sure they are convinced that the poor boy is not ‘all there’.

Their favourite trick is to offer him two coins, a ten pence piece and a twenty pence piece - he always takes and pockets the ten pence piece - perhaps because it is bigger. Some Australian holidaymakers who come into the bar regularly have joined in the banter by offering him an Australian dollar and two dollar coin – and Paddy took the dollar coin. They did this three nights in a row.

I caught them at it again last evening and called Paddy over to ask him why he always took the bigger coin and didn’t he realise that the smaller one was worth more.

Paddy says, “Of course I do, but if I take that coin they will stop doing it every day”.

[Dazzler]

I saw that coming (but I like his thinking) 

[The Gonz]

Inspirational. I should try that. I can easily pass for an idiot.

[Ugly Mongrel]

Inspirational. I should try that. I can easily pass for an idiot.

Funny man, Gonz.

[Dazzler]

Inspirational. I should try that. I can easily pass for an idiot.

Is there a medal for that?

[The Gonz]

Yes, it's the newly released Air Force Ground Combat Badge.

[Dazzler]

Yes, it's the newly released Air Force Ground Combat Badge.

 

[eye30]

.

Paddy says, “Of course I do, but if I take that coin they will stop doing it every day”.

May be irish but not stupid

[Doggie 1]

An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walked into the pub.

I advised the bartender to tell them that we don't serve minors.

Should have used a G-string.