[AlanHo]

Is an abacus one of the first simple computers ever invented and capable of simple arithmetic.

[The Gonz]

If that was a question, my answer is 'pretty much'.
Abacus

[Just Rick]

Won't be on. Much tonight very late night by the time I finish and get home,then have to be up again at 4 tommorrow to get back to work 

[FatBoy]

Don't worry Rick.  We'll all still be here when you get back.

[Just Rick]

Don't worry Rick.  We'll all still be here when you get back.

Yeah thought so,just got home so bit of tucker,shower and bed,do it all again in five or six hours 

[Just Rick]

Not very naughty,but a few bad swear words in it hence the spoiler

(click to show/hide)

Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled with $20 notes He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender, "What's up with the jar?" The bartender replies "Well, you pay $20 and if you pass three tests, you get the money in the jar" The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?" "Pay first, thats the rule." says the bartender. So the guy gives $20 to the bartender who puts it in the jar "OK," the bartender says. "Here's what you need to do: First, You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. Remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third. There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my... $20, but I'm not a fucken idiot, I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things". "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As the night drags on the man has a few drinks, then a few more. Finally he asks, "Wheres that fucken tequila?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a giant gulp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then silence. Just when they think the man is surely dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body. "Now," he says. "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[Doggie 1]

 

[Dazzler]

 

[Just Rick]

No jokes yet today sorry,but I'm going to have a whinge,not about anything specific just some generalisations,as some may remember me saying we have a quarantine wash service in our yard and some very interesting gear comes through it,well today 4 E-Types came in all from the states sadly,3 convertibles and one hard top,all in pretty ordinary condition and a partially restored/modified 67 Camaro also in pretty ordinary condition,thats not my whinge,my whinge is the bloke who works at cleaning them just doesn't have the appreciation of what these vehicles are and has absolutely no idea how to open anything on them,Boots bonnets doors 

[Doggie 1]

You'll have to educate him. 
I firmly believe that we don't own classic cars, we're just custodians of them.

[Phil №❶]

Feel better now Rick-p. 

Probably 'coz they were ordinary looking. I assume someone has big plans for them. I wonder if they're off to Dave's place.

[Just Rick]

Feel better now Rick-p. 

Probably 'coz they were ordinary looking. I assume someone has big plans for them. I wonder if they're off to Dave's place.

Yeah someone does have big plans for them,same owner has bought them all over,I've seen what he's paid for em(thats why he's brought them in from the states)he'll bodgie them up and make a killing on them.

Though I drooled over them,my pick would have been the 67 Camaro SS

Dave yes your right,but whom ever the custodians were of these four did not do a very good good of it 

[Just Rick]

Totally shat off today,on the way to Northam today for my appointment,I decided to take the scenic route,well almost to northam,this bozo driving on the wronf=g side of the road,causing me to go further to the left than I would normally,I hit a huge pothole on the side of the road,ruining yet another type,speaking to my local police,I asked if there was anything I could do,even though I have it all captured on dashcam,because there was no actual accident,this dopey tool gets away with his inconsiderate driver,he could have been done for dangerous driving,but my cam was not good enough to get his rego number,so again I'm out of pocket because of someone elses poor driving and our states poor road conditions.

Good onya Colin,spend billions on metro roads and F-All on the country roads(Your a tosser Colin)

[rustynutz]

That's a really bugger, Rick!   

If it's any consolation Victorian rural roads are no better...... 

Do you happen to have a Western Australian equivalent of the RACV's Pothole Patrol?

https://www.facebook.com/RACVPotholePatrol

[Just Rick]

Do you happen to have a Western Australian equivalent of the RACV's Pothole Patrol?

https://www.facebook.com/RACVPotholePatrol

Not sure Rusty but I should look into it and report it,it was one of the ones that is caused by heavy vehicles eroding the bitumen on the edge of the road,unfortunately to avoid an accident I had to pick the lesser of the two evils,Sue said she would have tried to swerve the hole,but sadly that is how you get yourself into further trouble,as I already had two wheels on the gravel at speed(100kph),this is what happened to the two young girls the other week who rolled their car on the Brookton Hwy,you can actually see where they had been on the gravel and swerved to get back on the road,thus spinning out,I'll get a new tyre tomorrow,suppose I could go back to the standard wheels,they take a little more punishment on the side walls(just look loike crap  )

[Phil №❶]

Haven't you got ESP & ABS though, Rick-p 

[Doggie 1]

Haven't you got ESP & ABS though, Rick-p 

He does have a CFT. 

[eye30]

Haven't you got ESP & ABS though, Rick-p 

He does have a CFT. 

.
.

?

[Doggie 1]

His tyre is completely....., er,......flat!

[Just Rick]

Haven't you got ESP & ABS though, Rick-p 

He does have a CFT. 

.
.

?

Confirmed F*#ed Tyre I think eye30

[rustynutz]

unfortunately to avoid an accident I had to pick the lesser of the two evils<

Sorry, I just had to post this: 
 

[Just Rick]

  but there were no weavels invovled 

[Just Rick]

Sorry I just Couldn't Help Myself
Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her,

'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'

Startled, Sophia replies,

'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'

Luigi answers,'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.

How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa ,

do you wear white panties tonight?'

Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes...

How do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,

Luigi asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red...

He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight.

Please,please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...'

Now wait for it,wait for it,are you SURE you want to know

(click to show/hide)

Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God ....

I thought I had a crack in my $300 Armani leather shoes...!

[Phil №❶]

 

[Dazzler]

 

You cracked me up

 

[Just Rick]

Time to get some armani shoes and take up dancing me thinks

[Just Rick]

Really like this one, I know many of you out there have had this said too Ya 

A man is walking behind his wife and says,
"Baby, your ass is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine."
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking....
Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for sex.
The woman says:
"I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load.
You'll have to do it by hand !"

[Just Rick]

I have dicided today,I am a dickhead,the other day when I got the damaged tyre,I have managed to either loose or leave my locknut key on the ground when I changed the tyre,I'm so pissed. 

[Doggie 1]

I'm so pissed. 

 

[Just Rick]

I'm so pissed. 

 

No,No not the way your thinking Dave,Peeved,annoyed,shat off