DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA .
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our
new home in Port Hedland , Western Australia . Now this is a town that
knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No
problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving
air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like
this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.
September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer
than I expected.
October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree
burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb
thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car
before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the
car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a
shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like
Whiskettes and cat s*&t. I've learned my lesson though: no more
pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f$^kin'
blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on
the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and
tell me he needs to order parts from f%*kin' Perth ....
October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still
haven't arrived for the f(&kin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by
the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't
even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and
gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity
makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you
today?' I'm going to f&%kin' throttle him. F#$kin' heat! By the
time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking f!#kin' wet and I smell like baked cat!
November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and
sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my
f%$kin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair
on the backs of my legs and my !#ckin' arse. Now the car smells
like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!
November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a f!%kin'
recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and f#$kin' sunny!
It's been too hot to do anything for two f^%kin' months and the
weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f%$kin' place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might
just dry up and blow into the f#$kin' pool. The only things that
thrive in this hell-hole are the f$%kin' flies. You don't dare
open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the
f%$kers!
November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f$%kin' degrees
today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man
came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to
spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for
assaulting the stupid f#$ker. F$%kin' Port Hedland! What kind of sick,
demented f%$kin' idiot would want to live here!
December 1 -
WHAT!!!!
The first day of Summer!!!!
You are f#$kin' kidding!
