[Doggie 1]

 

 

[eye30]

I have dicided today,I am a dickhead,

Did you mean to spell decided with an i?

 As if so it read brill  dic  ided   dick  head!

[Just Rick]

I have dicided today,I am a dickhead,

Did you mean to spell decided with an i?

 As if so it read brill  dic  ided   dick  head!

Ah! Just shoot me,spell checker didn't work for so long I keep forgetting to use it,plus I have just proved my point   

[Just Rick]

Well got Bruce washed this morning before all the shade was gone and it got too hot,wish the dreaded Gutter cleaning job was as enjoyable,but sadly still a pain in the arse job to do,but alas job donefor another few months.

[The Gonz]

Did you go for your free carwash today, Rick? I was going to but had to catch a plane instead.
Grace for Vets

[Dazzler]

Did you go for your free carwash today, Rick? I was going to but had to catch a plane instead.
Grace for Vets

Washes Reported = 0 (that's a well rounded number) 

[Just Rick]

Did you go for your free carwash today, Rick? I was going to but had to catch a plane instead.
Grace for Vets

No not today,I had not herad about this,but looks like a good cause,but funnily enough,I won't even let Sue wash the cars

[Dazzler]

Did you go for your free carwash today, Rick? I was going to but had to catch a plane instead.
Grace for Vets

Washes Reported = 0 (that's a well rounded number) 

Now 41 as of 9am AEDT 

[The Gonz]

It's a new idea for OZ but sure to catch on in later years.

[Just Rick]

And who said Dog wasn't mans best friend

[Doggie 1]

 
You're on a roll.

[Dazzler]

Good one rick 

[The Gonz]

Is that a Saint Burn Hard after a curry?

[Just Rick]

 

Irish Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children ..

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. ...

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1, 2, 3, 4, ?5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

[Phil №❶]

 

[Dazzler]

 

[Just Rick]

Oh!My Gord, how the hell I wish I was this dog,Lucky little fella

[Doggie 1]

That's what I call a cheeky doggie.

[rustynutz]

Doggie Style.... 

[Just Rick]

Holy Cow,I would of packed bricks as well,after being sent this,I had to find a link with all the swearing bleeped out.

Venomous Snake on Windshield Turn on Wipers! - YouTube

[Shambles]

Venomous Snake on Windshield Turn on Wipers!

Turn on the VIPERS, more like

[rustynutz]

 

[Phil №❶]

Always a possibility in Oz 

[The Gonz]

Yes, drivers must always be prepared to ...

(click to show/hide)

Dodge Vipers.

[Just Rick]

Let me first paint the picture

2 and a half weeks ago,had my colonoscapy,yesterday went to see the doctor for the results of this and some bloodworks I was asked to have,result of the colonoscapy was good news bad news sort of,most thinks where OK but I do have a rather large benign tumour further up the plumbing and unless it starts to cause a problem,they are not going to touch it and I thought my huge gut was me just getting old and fat.

Anyhow due to other issues,the doctor wanted me to have more bloods done today and another chest X-Ray,so I take today off to get these done,so Sue decides to also take the opportunity to make it her weekly shopping trip as well(our supermarket here in town is a rip off and doesn't have a huge selection of anything) so we get the shopping in Northam,non even there,other than me loosing the plot at the crowded shops(freaking pension day),but on the way home we called into York to pick up something for lunch,when we pulled up outside the supermarket there,one of the shop employee's was out having a cigarette(I was going to say fag and then thought better of it,knowing you lot) so in we go get what we're after,Sue had her bits and pieces and I got a few for the dog's so I go through the 10 items or less checkout.

this is how the conversation went,made my day,I just about wet myself
COA= check out attendant

COA - Ah! Mr Big Dog's (as we where in Bruce,personalised plates) 
Me - Yeah the big dogs we have won't fit in that car

COA - Oh! thought you must of had a big dog,what do you have? 
Me - Saint Bernards

COA - Oh! You have more than one?

Me - Yes unfortunately 

COA - Very nice,yes I noticed your plates when you pulled up,I was out having a break

Me - Ah! OK

COA - yes I seen your Mother having trouble getting out of the car and whinging to you.

Me -  well I just couldn't say anything for a few seconds,I was damned near choking

Me - my gord don't let my Missus hear you say that, that was her getting out of the car

COA -  OMG I am so sorry,please don't Tell you wife 

COA - at least you can take that as a compliment to you 

Me - Yes,Have a nice day (then left)

as soon as we got in the car,I had to tell Sue,through my laughter,she just smacked me one in the head and said she didn't think it was that funny,made my day

[Surferdude]

Let me first paint the picture

2 and a half weeks ago,had my colonoscapy,yesterday went to see the doctor for the results of this and some bloodworks I was asked to have,result of the colonoscapy was good news bad news sort of,most thinks where OK but I do have a rather large benign tumour further up the plumbing and unless it starts to cause a problem,they are not going to touch it and I thought my huge gut was me just getting old and fat.

Anyhow due to other issues,the doctor wanted me to have more bloods done today and another chest X-Ray,so I take today off to get these done,so Sue decides to also take the opportunity to make it her weekly shopping trip as well(our supermarket here in town is a rip off and doesn't have a huge selection of anything) so we get the shopping in Northam,non even there,other than me loosing the plot at the crowded shops(freaking pension day),but on the way home we called into York to pick up something for lunch,when we pulled up outside the supermarket there,one of the shop employee's was out having a cigarette(I was going to say fag and then thought better of it,knowing you lot) so in we go get what we're after,Sue had her bits and pieces and I got a few for the dog's so I go through the 10 items or less checkout.

this is how the conversation went,made my day,I just about wet myself
COA= check out attendant

COA - Ah! Mr Big Dog's (as we where in Bruce,personalised plates) 
Me - Yeah the big dogs we have won't fit in that car

COA - Oh! thought you must of had a big dog,what do you have? 
Me - Saint Bernards

COA - Oh! You have more than one?

Me - Yes unfortunately 

COA - Very nice,yes I noticed your plates when you pulled up,I was out having a break

Me - Ah! OK

COA - yes I seen your Mother having trouble getting out of the car and whinging to you.

Me -  well I just couldn't say anything for a few seconds,I was damned near choking

Me - my gord don't let my Missus hear you say that, that was her getting out of the car

COA -  OMG I am so sorry,please don't Tell you wife 

COA - at least you can take that as a compliment to you 

Me - Yes,Have a nice day (then left)

as soon as we got in the car,I had to tell Sue,through my laughter,she just smacked me one in the head and said she didn't think it was that funny,made my day

Rick, you are SOOOO going to pay for that. 
It's a matter of association. The COA may have made the comment but YOU perpetuated it. 

[Just Rick]

Even with the smack to the head I still have a grin from ear to ear.

Some years ago(and Sue still laughs about this)a younger woman(me at the time would have called her a girl)she started a conversation with me about one of my tattoo's(naked lady,with see through Nightie)this young bird was going on and on,Sue's not that far away smirking,I didn't have a clue what was going on,anyhow I said to this younr lady I had to leave,later on I was talking to Sue about the strange conversation Iwas having with this girl,Sue just burst out laughing,I said what,what's the matter with you,she just turned and said You have NO IDEA what was going on do you,she was hitting on you,I just went Nah! she couldn't have been,some time after we were talking about it with friends,Sue said nothing,they where all laughing and saying Yes she was hitting on you.

All I can say is Women I don't know really well,frighten me,even though I talk to them to be polite,I feel like a fish without a pond to swim in.

[Doggie 1]

When her Labrador licked you, that should have given you a clue, Rick. 

[Just Rick]

When her Labrador licked you, that should have given you a clue, Rick. 

 

[Just Rick]

I do apologise in advance to anyone who suffers from Epilepsy,but this joke is so wrong on so many levels it is funny.


In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you
do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Answer: Throw in your washing….

We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped ...
me on the shoulder and said. “I don’t find that very funny.

My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits”.

I said. “Sorry mate. Did he drown”?

“No”. he said. “He choked on a sock”.